I WISH NO CHILD HAD TO SUFFER WITH ANXIETY

I will never forget the day when I walked into my counselling session sobbing. I had been out of my violent relationship for a few years now however my son’s anger and anxiety was getting worse by the day. It had been a whole month of NO sleep from him having anxiety attacks and feeling like he couldn’t breathe, I didn’t understand anxiety and so I had no idea how to help him, all I remember thinking is WTF I am sleep deprived this feels worse than having a new born and when the f&*k is he going to sleep again!! The anxiety attacks were leaving him and myself mentally and physically exhausted. Every morning, every night and every time he was home it was absolute chaos. Most mornings would be a screaming match where I would literally throw his school bag out the front door and tell him to get out of the house. My son’s anger was uncontrollable, my own anger was out of control, my other children were scared and I felt helpless and at a loss as to how to fix this situation.

I couldn’t send him to his dad’s house because he wouldn’t have him and because he was so scared he wouldn’t go anyway in fear of him having another anxiety attack away from me; my new partner was no help as he had never experienced this kind of situation, and I could not find any resources to help my son that was affordable. All I wanted was for someone to take him away from me. I didn’t want to live with my son anymore and he was only ten years old!

This one particular morning I had my counselling session booked and the minute I walked in a just start sobbing and saying “I can’t look after my son any longer, I don’t like him and I can’t look after him anymore; I want someone to take him”. I was more sleep deprived than having a newborn baby, it was EXHAUSTING!! I felt overwhelmed that I had to live with his anger and lack of sleep for another ten years; I felt like I was suffocating at the time. Living with my son’s anger was like living in a violent relationship, only I couldn’t just pack up and leave this relationship, I had no choice but to live with it. It was draining every single bit of energy out of me, I was crying every night, I was constantly feeling anxious at the next outburst, it was as if I was living in my abusive relationship all over again and I just could not leave it.

I found myself ignoring my other children; the well behaved children were being punished for my son’s anger. I just didn’t have the energy to want to spend time with my well behaved children and to be honest I was feeling so angry inside me that I had nothing to offer them in a positive way. My son’s anger was draining the life out of me.

I had done so much work on my own anger however not enough to deal with my son’s anger too. I had no help or support and I felt so alone in this horrible situation.

It got to the point that I absolutely knew my son was not feeling safe at his dads house but I kept threatening that I would make him live there if he didn’t stop his behaviour (of course this made things worse), but once again I was not educated enough to understand this. I phoned my ex partner numerous times threatening to pack my son’s bags and drop him and his bags on his front door and never come back if he didn’t help me with our son. Again of course this did nothing as my ex partner had no idea how to deal with this situation as he too had his own anger issues, let alone help me with our son.

My son was in constant trouble at school, he was not allowed to attend the school camp because of his behaviour, I dreaded the school bell going because I knew he was due to come home, I loved when school started because I could drop him off, I hated weekends because I knew I had him with me the whole time, I refused to go out in public with him because it would only be another drama played out in public, not once did I look forward to being around him and I feel so sad at having those feelings about my own beautiful son; but that was my reality.

One day after days of looking for help and support and not being able to find it, something hit me directly in my thoughts. I just knew I held the answer to helping my son, no one else could do this but ME. My son was never ever going to help himself as he was only ten years old for gods sake, he had no idea about why he was behaving the way he was, he was just mirroring his role models; his mum and dad. This was all my son knew and it was the only way he knew how to behave, how on earth was he meant to be able to help himself at ten years of age!

So that was it my decision was made and I was going to help my son the exact same way I was able to help myself. I stopped looking for outsiders to help me (such as family and his dad), and I dug in deep and went back to basics. I did keep mine and my son’s counsellor’s as I needed that extra support to guide me.

I was absolutely AMAZED that after only two play therapy sessions’ I could see huge changes, already in my son.

My counsellor worked with me, my son’s counsellor worked with my son and between them both they worked with me. I told them as blunt and serious as I could “I want to know absolutely EVERYTHING there is to need to know as to “why” my son is behaving like this. I want to know “how” his brain cells have been affected and I want to know not only the fluffy stuff, I want to know the factual information. I wanted to educate myself on anxiety. I knew in order for me to be able to help my son I needed to get to the absolute core of the reasons behind all of this. When I started to learn about “why” he was behaving like this, I was able to learn about “what’ to do about the situation.

When you make the decision to go and see a counsellor; don’t just go there to talk about your son or daughters bad behaviour, be upfront like I was and tell them you want to go right into the core of the problem, starting from the beginning. Ask to see pictures of the undeveloped brain and “why” this is un-developed, ask them what affects domestic violence has had on your child and why your child is behaving in this way. Ask to be given hand out sheets on factual information, I will guarantee; you WILL feel much more in control of helping him/her manage their anger with this information. Remember, Knowledge is power and the knowledge is there if you are serious about learning it, don’t just think it will come to you, you have to get up, get out and ask for it and most important, you have the power within you to make these changes right now.

When you want something in your life you’ve never had, you’ll have to do something, you’ve never done- JD Houston

It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight. It will feel awkward in the beginning as you have most likely been doing your regular yelling and swearing behaviour pattern now for almost all of your life. You will feel like you are allowing him/her to have control over you and you will possibly do it for one night and have those angry feelings bottled up inside you and your son/daughter won’t be listening and you will bite your tongue as hard as you can and then after one day you will lose the plot at trying to control your anger for so long. When and if this happens don’t let this be the time to give up, try again and keep trying until it becomes a habit. Your child will feel weird too as he/she is seeing a different kind of personality come from you, one in which he/she is not use to. You both need to give this A LOT of time to work and get use to each other.

I understand all cases are different and this may not be the answer to your child. What I want to do though is offer my learning’s to you and if you can see light at the end of the tunnel with these tips and tools use them every single day, if you can’t see this working for your child as I mentioned before go and visit a counsellor or someone who has the factual information and ask as many questions as you must ask as to “why” this is happening, educate yourself on “how” you can change this and take action straight away.

You need to honest and upfront with yourself and be realistic that this is going to be a long work in progress; depending on the severity it can take one year or many years. For me personally it has taken four solid years of serious, daily, consistent work and it is still not perfect and never will be however his anger is now under control.

What use to be a constant out of control anger, and daily anxiety attacks is now down to maybe one outburst a every few months and his anger outburst and anxiety attacks are now manageable. As with myself, my son will always have that “fire cracker” temper in him; its now about educating him and helping him be aware of the “whys” and “how’s” and helping him to control it himself. If you are willing to put in the hard yards now, you and your child will reap the rewards down the track and live a “normal” kind of life. He is only fourteen years old so I can’t talk for the future however knowing I have worked 110% with my son, I can honestly say I feel extremely relieved that I took action to make these changes while he was a young boy. The work will never be finished and it’s a daily job to stay on top. When I see my son play like a normal fourteen year old and win awards at school and be invited to stay at his friends houses because their mums think he is one of the best well behaved children; I feel very proud of the both of us. It is worth every single bit of hard slogging work to see your child happy. Now it’s your turn to experience this new kind of relationship with your child.

What I learnt when working with my son’s anger, anxiety and uncontrollable behaviour was that I was doing the total opposite of what I should have been doing.

 I was yelling back at him
 I was telling him to shower “now”
 Get dressed “now”
 Threatening him to live with his dad when I knew of his anxiety of visiting his dad
 Locking him in his room
 Taking his X box off him when he got angry, (he would have it taken off him constantly)
 Grounding him but because I knew he would be staying at home, I wouldn’t stick to it and let him go to his friends
 Putting him down and telling him he was just like his dad
 Constantly telling him I hated him living in my house

The list goes on forever and I’m sure you can relate to some of these things!

What I educated myself on was the “Counter Intuitive Approach”, the approach of doing the absolute opposite of what I had been doing and this was the number one key to unlocking the answers, I had been searching for.

Instead of me yelling at my son and telling him to go to his room, I would tell him to come and sit with me on his bed and talk to me about his feelings. In the beginning this will feel silly but TRUST me it does start to feel normal. Your child will also not sit and listen however if you keep doing it, they will get use to it.

And ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE is absolutely the crucial factor!!!

Once I had learnt about recognising the feelings behind the anger, I created my own poster (see below).

How I used this poster to help my son with his anger

I printed out my copy of this poster and taped it to the wall. Every time my son would start having an anger outburst, I would either take him to the poster or I would get it off the wall and take it to him. I would talk with a soft calm voice and say “Jack point to the feeling you are feeling right now”, he would point to the feeling and I would then say ok let’s go and talk about this feeling.

Here are some kinds of feelings your child could be experiencing in his/her anger outbursts:

 Sad
 Jealous
 Shame
 Fearful
 Frustrated
 Worried
 Lonely

One of my son’s biggest anger issues which lasted years was that he was scared to sleep in his own room; and every day all he could think of was how scared he was going to feel that night. He had no idea how to talk about it as he had no idea that was the issue. I can’t count how many mid-nights I would be out on the front step calming him down and making him breathe in the fresh air and getting him to count to ten slowly to calm his anxiety attacks. Each day he would wake up tired from sleeping on my floor, the first thing he would think about when he woke up each morning was, what he would do that night so that he won’t be scared and he would think about this dilemma all day at school too and as the night got closer his behaviour would get worse, it was his feelings of “fearful” and “anxiety”. It went on for ages until I learnt this is where his anger was coming from. This was just one scenario with many more!

Let’s use these two examples a before and an after:

Before
So my son would be on his way home from school and I would already be thinking “oh god he is due home I wish he didn’t have to come home”. My stomach was in knots and I was already feeling angry inside. I would already have my plan worked out; if he yells he is going straight to his room and I am taking the X Box off him for the night. As you guessed that’s exactly how our afternoon would begin. Jack would walk inside and I would say “did you get into trouble today”? Of course he did and he would tell me and then I would go off in a tangent of how he was a naughty boy and no one will ever like him and he will have no friends blah blah blah! All he could feel was anxiety from his scared night to come, and so he would yell at me and tell me he hated me and he wanted to stab me and it would get out of control. He would punch the walls and I would threaten to call the police (which I did once) or call his dad to come and remove him from my house forever. Of course this added even more anxiety to his feelings which doubled his anger.

Without fail every night before bed he would be angrier and angrier, I would threaten to take his door handle off his door and lock him in his room, it was crazy he would not go to bed. The only way I would get some sleep was to let him sneak into my room and sleep on the cold floor. I had no more in me to fight it.

Nothing got resolved and we would both go to bed hating each other. This was the day to day cycle that went on for years.

After
I made the decision that each day I would wake up feeling happy and talk calm to my son and talk about positive things such as; “today is going to be a really sunny day and I just know it is going to be a happy day”.

I would then say (EVERY DAY), Jack did you know what you put out into the world you get back, so today if you choose to be angry, you will get people being angry back at you. He started to understand this after a while. I also educated him on the choices he was making and how he was the only one who could make these choices. I would explain different choices such as; if you choose to pick up a stick and hit another kid that is the bad choice YOU make, but if you are being picked on and you go tell a teacher then that is a good choice that YOU have made. No one can make these choices for you and only YOU can. Again I told him over and over again until he started to understand it.

I then decided to work with Jack in a way that I was not dominating and controlling him but giving him choices to take responsibility. Instead of saying “get out of bed now and have a shower”, I bought him a clock and said “Jack what time do you feel is reasonable to get out of bed and have a shower”? Is it 6.00am or 6.30am (we are an early bird family). Jack decided he liked 6.30am and so that was the time he chose to get out of bed and he started to actually get up on time every day, grab his towel at 6.30am on the dot and walk to the shower WITHOUT being asked WOW!

The anger would start coming out once his shower was finished and I would get the poster and take it to his room and sit on his bed and ask him what he was feeling. 9 times out of 10 I realised he was feeling “fearful” from being scared at night. I would stand behind him and put both of my hands on each of his shoulders and slowly and softly count to ten, telling him to slow his breathing down as I counted. I think he started to enjoy feeling loved and heard. We would then sit down and talk through his thoughts and feelings.

I knew then he was experiencing anxiety but he couldn’t put it into words. This realisation was so extreme that I knew I had to do something about it and so I spoke to my partner and told him that I was going to set up a single bed beside my bed and let him sleep there until he feels secure. I told my partner all about the work I was doing with my son and that this won’t be forever, just until I had done some major work with him. My partner didn’t understand why my son was scared, he just didn’t understand . To be honest I didn’t care what my partner thought; this was no longer about us, this was about helping my son. I told my partner that if he didn’t understand or want to understand what my son was going through then that was his decision and that I would never put a man before my children again; I felt so strong about helping my son that I didn’t care one bit if my relationship broke up. I told myself that if my partner did not want to understand and support me through this, then he was not worth living with for the rest of my life. Fortunately my partner has been an amazing support.

My son was extremely embarrassed about this issue in front of my partner and so I took my partner to a few counselling sessions with me to help him understand this situation better. He never put him down again after being educated.

“People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is a bliss when knowledge is so damn frightening- author unknown”

I got his single bed mattress and set up his bed on my floor and boy did that simple small change eliminate a lot of angry outbursts.

Once I took away his anxiety and he could stop worrying about this every minute of every day, we were able to work on other issues that came up. By working on the most major issue, we were able to work on the “core” of “why” he was feeling so scared. He ended up sleeping on my floor on his mattress for nine months and then we moved his bedroom to be opposite mine when he felt ready to go back into his own bedroom. Some nights he would still sneak on my floor however six nights out of seven he would sleep in his own bedroom. He would leave his bedroom door open but that was no problem. We also made a plan that he had to go to bed at 8.00pm every night so that he would fall asleep before I went to bed, this way he wouldn’t be lying there in his dark room alone feeling scared. When he went to bed the lights were on in the lounge room; both myself and my partner were awake talking or watching TV and he felt safe.

Nowadays when my son comes home from school, I say “hello Jacko, did you have a happy day? He tells me about his day and almost daily has three of his friends who come home with him to play, its just amazing seeing him feel safe and secure.

AND he sleeps in his own bed every single night and has done for a few years now!!!

The answer in your child’s anger and anxiety is naming the feeling behind the outbursts. Can you see the power in it?

This simple strategy was the key that unlocked my son’s insides.

I truly hope you take action to break the cycle of anger and anxiety in your child and remember you are your child’s role model and by changing these cycles you are setting up positive changes for your children’s future generations.

Best of luck x

STOP BLAMING EVERYONE FOR YOUR TOXIC BEHAVIOUR AND RELATIONSHIPS

Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions- Will Smith

If you really want to break the cycles of choosing toxic behaviours such as anger, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc one of the major turning points will be to break free of toxic relationships.

To break free of toxic relationships you need to stop blaming the other person such as your mum, dad, brother, partner, friend and so on and start looking within yourself.

Too often, too many people, blame too many of their life’s issues on their childhood. Take for instance my son Josh. Early last year at rock bottom Josh was SO angry at me for bringing him into this world full of his own anxiety, depression, drug issues etc, yelling at me for bringing him into a world as a child in abuse, neglect, trauma etc (now I’ve done enough counselling myself to know I’m not that kind of mum anymore and I would NEVER let anyone harm my children and YES I agree I did do damage when I didn’t protect my children) BUT as I’ve learnt through my very own lessons in life, blaming others will NOT help you. I spoke to Josh and told him bluntly “yes Josh I feel guilty about not being the best mum and I understand how you are feeling, I really do, BUT right now mate you’ve for two choices in life 1. Keep blaming me and your dad for your horrible childhood and drag this shit through your life for the rest of it and stay medicated for depression and stay on drugs to block your feelings and just live a TOXIC life forever until you die OR 2. Get counselling, let go of blame, and be the CREATOR of your future, you’re 18 now the world is YOUR oyster, go and create MAGIC because it’s there!!!!!!

Please please please guys do yourself a favour and STOP blaming others in your past for your future; the ball is in YOUR court to create what ever life you dream of

I know I use to blame everyone around me, I would tell myself that if they didn’t piss me off I wouldn’t get so angry, if they didn’t speak to me that way I wouldn’t have to yell at them; you see I didn’t keep myself accountable and it felt easier to blame someone else for my behaviour than to look at me and change myself. I kept telling myself that they had the problems, not me. Once I realised the answer to living my dream life was all about changing ME, that’s when my world started to change.

I learnt this tool from my counselling session and absolutely loved it. I hung it on my wall and even still to this day I use this powerful tool. Ask yourself; every time you are blaming someone else for something that has happened are you going “above” the line or “below” the line. Once you keep yourself “above” the line consistently over time; you will find major changes happening.

The line that separates the blame game

Truth Courage
Ownership Love
Choices Integrity
Freedom Responsibility
Accountable Compassion

Above The Line

Below The Line

Blame Excuses
Justify Quit
Denial Doubt
Fear Worry
React Jealously

Living in toxic relationships is most likely the key factor into your toxic behaviours. As I’ve mentioned throughout this book; my relationship was so toxic that there was no hope in hell that I could have worked on my issues as well as live in that kind of relationship.

I also knew in order for me to break my toxic cycles that I had to get away from the friends I was choosing as they were living the same kind of toxic life that I was and so it seemed to me that my toxic life was “normal”.

I knew I had to step outside of my “normal” and find another way. All around me were people living in toxic relationships and I had to be strong and find the kind of people I needed to be surrounded by in order to change my life.

When DHS gave me my ultimatums I had to dig deep and search with all of my might to find the right way in life. At first it was uncomfortable but I soon started to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable.

SCREW YOUR MATERIAL WORLD AND FOCUS ON YOUR INNER BEING

I quite often hear speakers talk about your “material world” being a true reflection of your “inner” world (your inner being); meaning if you have a successful business, a huge mansion and drive a Porsche you are one of the top 3 people who have crafted your “inner being” world by thinking like a successful person. And that people can tell what is going on in your “inner being” world simply by looking at your “outta material world”…

OMG thank god I had no passion for self development back when I was 21 because honestly I think I would have wanted to jump off a bridge with the way my “outta material world” was. I had a run down VB commodore, lived in a shitty unit, had a kitchen table donated to me from the Salvation Army and had nothing exciting to brag about BUT I had an abundance of self belief, a vision so strong that I KNEW I would be ok, a she’ll be right attitude that use to piss people off, such compassion for people, I was always the first person to help someone who had broken down in the middle of the road OMG I remember one morning on my way to work and I was dressed in my mini skirt and knee high boots, looking VERY glamorous LOL driving in my beat up VB commodore and an old man broke down in the middle of the intersection; without hesitation I stopped my car, got out and helped push his car to the other side of the road and not ONE single person came to help him.

So with all of my “material world” up shit creek I had a heart of gold and such a positive outlook on life that I reckon I was happier than the richest person in my superb. I TRULY felt excited about my future every single day!!

Can you imagine if I had taken on board other peoples perceptions of my “outta material world” being a true indication of my “inner being”?

I felt grateful every single day and I am honestly not lying when I say that I actually danced in my dining room when my application was a success for the dingy little unit I had applied for; it was $130 per week and when I was successful I got my kids and we danced around the dining room and I can CLEARLY remember saying to my dad at the time “I feel so upper class living in this superb” and sadly if people saw me living in that same unit today I would be judged for being so lower class but I felt SO lucky to have a home.

But that little dingy unit was not a true reflection of what was going on in my “inner world”, I was feeling so HAPPY, so bloody confident of my future, SO excited about the life I was creating, SO deeply in awe at how I was connecting with my young kids in a way I had never ever experienced, my whole life was WOW factor, yet society judged me on my “material outta world”.

So my message to you today is this….

Just because you don’t have the biggest house in your street, just because you are not driving around in a top notch car, just because you don’t have what every other tom, dick and harry has, doesn’t mean you are not worthy of creating your HAPPY dream life. STOP comparing yourself to others around you, be GRATEFUL for what you have right now, LOVE everything you have in your life right now, FEEL the excitement of your vision, FEEL the “inner” self belief you have got running through your body, and STOP believing that just because you don’t have your dream “material outta world” going on that something is wrong with you, START focusing on your “inner being” because that holds the answers, START respecting your “inner being” because that’s where you will find your HAPPINESS, START loving YOU because then you will attract things that LOVE you back. I know its hard to stay focused when you have so much noise going on around you ie twitter, facebook, etc and you see these people talking about MONEY, MONEY, MONEY; FUCK the money right now and focus on your authenticity, the TRUE YOU, the beautiful YOU, your INNER BELIEF, your OWN VISIONS and DREAMS (not what everyone else wants for you), PLEASE stay TRUE to YOU and I can guarantee the money will follow your heart’s desires; it won’t be easy TRUST me, it WILL be tough, you WILL want to give up every week, you WILL question yourself, you WILL be tempted into bright shiny offers, you WILL want to get rich quick, you WILL get lost, scattered and think WTF numerous times but I am telling you SO strongly that if you get away from too much social media (I deactivated my personal account), only allow yourself chosen timeslots to post stuff, DO NOT allow negative energy into your “inner being” and just keep BELIEVING, having FAITH and TAKING ACTION DAILY your life will transform into a life that even you yourself couldn’t imagine BUT PLEASEEEEEEE stay TRUE to YOU…. My material life only manifested when my “inner being” was nurtured :)

Stacey xxx

STOP being a follower and LEAD yourself to success!

It always amazes me the amount of people who have a BIG dream, a vision so BIG that they truly believe someone else will either discover them or take them to their desired destination…(ok sometimes this one in a million opportunity does happen to a lucky talented person; but not that often)!

Take for example this guy I have been talking with lately, he is a nice guy with a BIG dream. I asked him how he was making his dreams happen and his reply “I am waiting to be discovered”, I was like “oh cool so where’s your You Tube channel so I can watch you in action”, he says “I don’t have one”, “oh ok” I say “where is your website”? I was TRULY interested in seeing his talent shine and wanted to watch him in action but he had nothing for me to look at. I then said “so tell me how are you making your dreams come true”? He replies “I am waiting to be discovered”, I looked at him and said “mate if I can’t see you in action how the hell do you think some big producer is going to discover you”!!

Now this is where it gets really interesting.. He see’s that I have been in the media and has viewed my TV interviews and he mentions that I can help him get to his destination (because I have the contacts hmmm)… I listened and took myself back to my days when I use to try to find people who could take me to my destinations…
As various challenges have come up in my life I have often felt confused, lost, frustrated, and desperate. To find a way forward, I would look for leaders I could follow, people who had already succeeded and could show me the way.

I thought that to get ahead, I could just ask successful people how to do things or pay them to do it for me, hoping my answers would then magically appear and I would be on my way. I have found some great people and received some wonderful advice, but of course I kept finding that successful people had limited time to help me.

When I started to really focus on turning my life around, I became hungry for answers and advice from young Mums who had lived through similar experiences to mine and gone on to reach their goals. I googled successful young Mums, I went to the library to look for books on successful young Mums but could not find anything about young Mums who had lived through domestic violence, sexual abuse or a traumatic childhood and had managed to defy the odds. I was once again searching for a leader who I could learn from, who could hand me the answers I needed to move forward.

As I sat on the beach thinking about this problem, I was reminded of another time I had felt frustrated and confused trying to find answers. I had been trying to get work in the funeral industry and had been looking for people who could help me get my foot in the door. I read the Funeral Industry Association website every day, and even asked for advice from a funeral industry worker I had tracked down from an article written in a magazine. I felt that I was doing everything I could to get the advice I needed, but still nothing happened.

Then I decided to step up and take the lead. At nineteen years old, I walked into the local funeral company with my three year old and four month old in tow, and asked for a job. I told the owner that I had nowhere to live, two babies and a passion for the funeral industry. I asked him when I could start work. I think perhaps he thought I was crazy, as he told me to come back another time.

I went home and got out all the job adverts and position descriptions I had collected from the funeral industry. I used these to make up a pretend resume, showing all the experience and skills I would need to have in order to get the job I wanted. The next day I walked down to the funeral company without my children and asked the manager whether he would offer me a position if I had all the experience shown on the resume.

He said that yes, if I had all the experience and skills shown on the resume he would offer me a position. I set about taking action to acquire each of the skills listed, and even checked in with the manager every six months to show him what I had achieved. Eventually after MANY years, I had everything I needed and was offered a position.

Sitting on the beach that day, I realised I was in the same position again, looking to others for answers that were inside me. Once again in order for me to move forward I had to get out of my comfort zone and look at doing things a different way. In order for me to succeed, I had to become the leader I was searching for. Once I realised this, I knew what I needed to do. I stepped up and took the lead and things just fell into place. What a learning experience this journey has been for me.

I set about studying other successful leaders, leaders who came from great backgrounds as well as not so great backgrounds, women, men, all types of leaders. As I studied these leaders I began to realise that I had many of the same traits and characteristics they had. I didn’t need to keep looking for that special leader for all the answers; I actually had the answers inside me all along. I became determined and committed to becoming a leader myself, and with this decision my confidence skyrocketed.

I realised that I could be a leader to other young Mums and show them that there was another way to live. When I was given the choice at the hospital that day to leave my violent partner or lose my children, I was forced to discover that there was another way to live. I had known other ways existed but I assumed that was just for lucky people. I didn’t realise you could make those changes yourself. My mission was to inspire and empower other young Mums so they could also take charge of their lives.

I set about taking my learning’s and teaching them to other young Mums at community houses. I put together a training course focusing on vision boards, to help these young women discover their passions and bring out the strengths they had within them.

I believed in my purpose so strongly that I knew I had to get my message out on a larger scale. I approached the project in the same way I would build a successful business. I had a website built and studied books on sales, marketing and public relations.

At the same time I implemented everything I learnt to grow our business Brand Print Australia. I took this business to a point where I could leave our employees to manage everything while I took two days a week off to focus on writing my book.

I looked at attending book publishing courses at a cost of thousands of dollars but again I decided to just read books, google for information and ask great leaders for advice. I made a decision, created a plan and worked hard. I learned all I could about writing a book, networked with highly successful publishers, had an incredible amount of self belief, took responsibility and continually visualised the end result. Most importantly I didn’t waste time thinking too much about what needed to be done. I just got started and didn’t stop until I finished.

If you have a passion and desire for something and are asking advice from lots of people, you will find a lot of different opinions on any subject. Some of it will be good advice, some won’t. It is up to you to decide what is right for you and then to implement it. There is no point paying others to tell you how to do something, then sitting back and waiting for success to arrive. People who do this often end up complaining that they wasted their money on something that didn’t work, when in fact they simply didn’t take the action needed to create their success.

There are plenty of people out there waiting for others to take them to the top. If you keep searching and waiting for others to get you there, it will never ever happen. You must step up, take action and lead the way towards your own success. Once you take control of your destiny by becoming a leader, the right people will come to you to help you on your way.

YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY A PERSON STAYS IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP, UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED IT!!

This is me and my son Josh talking about our experience of living in Domestic Violence…

A little bit of my own story and some help and support for you if you are living it right now..

Oh God today is the dreaded day; the day that I have decided to leave my violent relationship and move into another house! I am not feeling scared as I have lived like this for a few years now and have conditioned my body and mind to be in a constant state of anxiety and anger. I know today may be the last day on this earth for me once I leave, however I feel that if he does murder me then my pain will be finished and I won’t have to go through with it. Read more »